more of the same

I looked around the table today, mom, joy, and adam. I asked if it seemed weird, dad not being there but at work. They said no, it was great.
I asked about in a year when he won't be here any longer. They didn't respond.
I feel like I am mouring something I never had. He has made us hate him.
I hate holidays, and pretending...I hate the forced family time. Today I was fat, tomorrow I will be ugly...where does it stop? When does it end? Is there some conclusion or does that come with death?
The garage door is opening now, so he is home.

(no subject)

broken
fractured
cut in two

innocent
pure
now tainted by you

*******

I can't undo what was done. Why is that the hardest thing to swollow. No matter how many times I wake up and go to bed it doesn't go away.
  • Current Music
    Pink, Dear Mr. President

51days

I wakeboarded for the first time since november/december. The water was beautiful. I was excited to be back out there, but it wasn't the same since I gave my board to Mel. I ride goofey footed so the one board didn't work for me because it only had one fin. Then the second board was way to big for me. I ride a 125-130...and this was a lot bigger than that. I got mad at myself and stopped trying. At least I didn't get a concusion this time. I did tube and that way awesome. I was told I got really high, they couldn't knock me off though. Sean said it is hard to knock small folks off. I rode for a good while until I was too tired to hold on. I am pretty tired right now. School is almost over and I am very excited about that. well that is all for now. Peace

new LJ?

So yeah, I gave this thing up. Did a little hiatus thing and now I am back. I am cool aren't I? Not really but it sounded good.

I am tired, already been to class. Well I went to 1/2 which is pretty decent for me. Gave a little speech on my chosen career. (counseling) I rocked it out. Think I got an A which isn't too bad. Then I left good old Calhoun and drove around D-Rock. Good times. I am now waiting on work. Prob. be there for a while tonight.

Another random note, Church rocked Sunday. I got to see Charlie, and Wesley, and Daniel...I miss them. They are fun people, and well I am tired of hanging out with 30 year olds. I need to feel like a kid again. Got to hang with Jones...that was good. I love Megan...Woah, glad to get that one off my chest. She is good for me. I am anxiously looking towards the summer. I need friends.
I opened up my Bible for the first time in a while. I am ashamed of that. It has been open at church but I haven't really been seeking God like I had before. Something in me is desperately seeking Him today. I need Him. I have been rather down lately. I asked Him to help me find my way back.
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ROCK ON
  • Current Music
    Hawk Nelson...Letters to the President